Study notes

Chapter 8. Counselling - General Guidelines

'The personal ministry of the pastor will take up the remaining time of his weekly life.  After his own personal times of prayer, reading and study, preparation for the public ministry and attendance at the various church meetings.
Biblical counselling is the ministry of giving advice and direction to others out of the wisdom we have received from God.
In the Old Testament the word is ‘EPSAH’ which means counsel or advice Ps.16:7, Ps.1:1. To receive the ‘EPSAH’ of God is to receive God’s will. In the New Testament the word is ‘BOULE’ counsel, will and purpose. There are two words for counsellor in the New Testament ‘SUBOULOS’ AND ‘PARACETOS’ the first meaning the giving of advice and direction, Rom.11:34 and the second the one who stands alongside who comes alongside to aid by giving of counsel, John 14:16,26, 15:26, 16:7, 1John 2:1. The verb ‘PARACALLO’ means to ask, request, teach, entreat, exhort and comfort. The one who is exhorting speaks out of his wisdom Rom.12:1. There is also another word ‘NAITHETIO’ which means to admonish, confront or rebuke Rom.15:14, 1Cor.4:14, 10:11, Eph.6:4, 2Thess.3:15. True biblical counselling will only give direction out of the wisdom, which has been received, from God.

Psychology and Psychotherapy

It is important for us to understand that today’s world of counselling has been influenced by the emphasis of Sigmund Freud. Sigmund Freud was a godless man who believed that people have an unnecessary battle going on within them between ‘id’, the need within the human heart to express primitive desires such as sex and aggression and the ‘SUPER-EGO’ the conscience of a man, which is socialised or influenced by parents, teachers and the church. Freud claimed that a persons difficulties in life came from the fact that the ‘SUPER-EGO’ is over socialised, in other words, it is over developed and makes unnecessary demands. As a result of this unnecessary conflict or guilt feeling the person is distressed or depressed. By re-educating people to realise that this ‘SUPER-EGO’ has been misguided by teaching, guilt can be resolved and the state of men’s hearts be resolved.

Guilt

In order to deal with false guilt the counsellor would seek to weaken the super-ego so it stops making unreasonable demands. The process includes:

• Ventilation – the letting loose of pent up feelings.
• Re-socialisation  - the re-education of the super-ego.

According to *more realistic and reasonable standards one of the major factors of Freudian counselling is the idea that people are not personally responsible for their own problems. They are merely victims of the tyranny of the wrongly educated SUPER-EGO. There are many ‘Christian’ counselling systems, which are based on these principles. It may be noted that there are at least 260 different systems of psychological counselling in use today. As is the medical doctor a man of the body, the biblical counsellor is a doctor of the soul and spirit and studies the Scriptures, seeks the creator and from them to advise the distressed soul back into a healthy relationship with God.

Accountability

Largely as a result of modern counselling people who have long term needs believe they are the way they are because of the things that have happened to them or the circumstances of their life –

• Parental upbringing - mistakes of parents.
• Heredity
• Circumstances – things that have happened to me.
• Environment - the situation in which I live.

Dealing with Guilt

• It is guilt, which lies at the root of so much of the despair of those who seek counselling. A sense of condemnation before God causes the heart to harden and prevents the guilty one from experiencing the presence of the Lord and walking in fellowship with God.
• This cycle of condemnation provides further guilt, shame and sin.
• Those who are struggling with the pain of guilt need to find a place of forgiveness which often comes through real repentance – Ps.51:4, 2Cor.7:10 which can be helped in measure by confession.
• Often anger and depression in hearts is an outworking of guilt. When a man or women comes to true repentance and acknowledges that he or she has sinned against God and does not put blame on anyone else or any circumstance there is in that moment joy, peace, forgiveness and the anger and depression is dissolved.

Biblical counselling is not:

• Telling people what to do or say.  ·  Not persuading people that you alone are right.
• Not giving advice, which is contrary to or inconsistent with God’s Word.
• Forcing opinions on other people. ·  Not proposing a course of action, which will benefit you personally.

Leading men and women to God

The purpose of the pastor is to lead seeking hearts along a pathway that leads to God.  We take them via the Lord Jesus Christ and the cross into the Fathers presence. John 17:3, 2 Peter 1:3-8, John 15::5.

• The pastor will need to build a relationship of trust, security and friendship so as to allow the seeking heart to feel free should they want to open their hearts in response to the ministry -John 10:1-5.
• He will never assume that he knows anything about their hearts condition -John 5:19,30, John: 8:28.
• His relationship will never go beyond the natural barriers instituted by God, husband and wives, children and parents.
• The pastors work takes priority over every other aspect of his life at that time.  He will be available 7 days a week, 24 hours a day - Eze.34:1-6.
• All are different, have different needs and need different help.  Some need meat, others milk, others may never learn -1Cor.3:1, Heb.5:12, John 8:32.
• Needy souls will often criticise the ministry and the person counselling - 1 Peter 2:20-25, 1 Peter 3:8-18, John 19:9, Luke 23:34
• There must always be respect between the pastor and his flock - James 2:1-4.   
• The pastor must always be watchful, particularly when the church gathers, against those who would seek to minister or draw away those who have opened up their hearts - Acts 20:29

Heredity

Many areas of the needs of many hearts spring from things inherited through parents.  Heredity is the transmission from one generation to another of genetic facts that determine individual characteristics. A doctor has said that everybody's troubles begin in the womb. Ps.51:5,1 Cor.15:45-49, Rom.5:12-19. All sin and therefore death or life is passed on via birth whether it be natural or spiritual John 3:3-8. Pastoral Care -  Ministry to souls has to determine the basis of their lives.  The Scripture indicates that there are only two men, the old and the new. 1 Cor.15:45-49, Rom.5:12-19.  All sin and therefore death or life is passed on via the birth whether it be natural or spiritual John 3:3-8.

Confession

There will be occasions when the pastor will be required to listen to accounts of those who have entered into deep sin - James 5:16.

Temptation

Paul writing to the Corinthian church comments that temptation is common to man 1 Cor.10:13.  It is important to stress that temptation is not sin.
There are two persons who bring temptation or testings into our lives:

• The Father who wants to deepen and enlarge our faith Gen.22:1, 1 Peter 1:1-8.
• The Devil who seeks to draw us away from God. James 1:12-16, Rev.12:1-11, Matt.2:1-23, Luke 10:17.

What is temptation

Temptation is something which attracts especially with the promise of pleasure or reward, seduction or enticement but the end is death Prov.8:6-27. There were four main temptations in Jesus’ life which illustrate the way the devil will seek to tempt us.

• To provide for yourselves practically Matt. 4:1-4  Matt. 6:19-34, Heb.12:11-17.
• To provide for yourselves physically and emotionally Matt. 4:5-7, Matt.26:52-53, Matt.19:3-9, 1 Cor.7:1-4.
• To provide for yourselves spiritually Matt. 4:8-11, Matt.15:10-20.
• To escape from the life of the cross Matt.16:13-28, Matt. 27:39-49, Gal.2:20  1 Cor. 15:31.

Laying on of hands

It is clear when the Spirit of God began to move in the early church the ministry of new life and the Spirit was imparted by the laying on of hands Acts 8:14-25, 9-17, 13:3, 19:1-6, 2 Tim.1:6. Devils were not cast out by the laying on of hands but by the finger of God. Matt.12:22-30, Mark 5:1-1

Guidance and the will of God

The pastor will be consulted on many occasions to give counsel as to the will of God in the life of his flock.  It would be very easy for a confident man to state his views and opinions.  He will be required to help as regards jobs, relationships, marriage, moving home or church, the mission field, spending large sums of money.  The principles of guidance can be noted as follows.

• The will of God for our lives determines our future as regards our eternal state Matt.19:16-30.
• To understand the will of God can be a dilemma.  Do I choose or does He lead me to do His will.  Dr. Martin Lloyd-Jones states two aspects the decretive and the prescriptive: What he decrees and what he  prescribes.  The former will always come to pass, the latter is often disobeyed Eph.1:1-14.  Louis Berkoff states two aspects, the decretive and the perceptive the rules and principles for action and these are often contradictory.  Joseph Gen.45:5, Hezekiah 2 Kings 20:1-7, Pharoah Ex.4:21-23. 
• It is of great importance to maintain both with the definite understanding that although they may appear distinct or different they are one in God.  By the former God has determined what he will do or what shall come to pass and in the latter he reveals what we are duty bound to do.  God does as he  pleases.
• We can come to a place of choice Mark 5:1-17 - Demoniac  Gen.2:16-17, Matt.25:1-13, Matt.7:21-23,  John 17:1-3.
• Gods decreed will in New Birth John 1:13,  James 1:18.

Both aspects work out in the life of Jesus. Decretive:  Matt.2:13-18,  22-23 Matt.18:10-14. Prescriptive or perceptive: Matt.4:1-11, Matt.26:36-42, John 4:34, 5:30, - Paul  Gal.1:13-16, Acts 9.

God has a perfect plan for our lives

In counsel first ask:

• Whether the member has sought God for himself.  Many go immediately for help to mature men James 1:5.
• Open up the Scriptures together to see if the Lord has already clearly revealed truth on the matter or if there are principles to follow.
• Pray together so as to allow the Lord to confirm His word and then give time for the Lord to speak, a week, or month. It is essential that each person knows the Lord's voice himself.
• Avoid giving your own views even if they may be clearly of God but draw out his mind also avoid using the prophetic gift to give creditability to the way a person should move.
• There are some occasions when it may be necessary to make a decision.
• There seem to be a number of areas which are common to many folk in church life that need the direction of the Lord.  The most important place is to be up to date with every aspect of your life. Christian life, business life, leisure life, love life, John 1:1-16, 1 Cor.12:18, 2 Cor.8:1-12, James 4:15, 1 Cor.7:32-40, 2 Cor.6:14, Amos 3:3.
• The great secret is to give ourselves totally to the Lord. Rom.12:1-2.

Hospital and Sick Visiting

It is the privilege and requirement of every minister to be diligent in visiting the sick and those who grieve, both in hospital and  home Matt:25:31-46.
When visiting:

• Stay only as long as you feel necessary, remembering that really sick people find it difficult to talk. They may feel obliged to entertain you. 
• Always pray for them it may be God will be gracious to heal them completely.
• As they improve encourage them in thanking God for his ministry in their lives.
• Do not allow those sick to assume God will heal them.  There is no guarantee in Scripture that all will recover.

The Care of Widows and the Elderly

Home Visiting

The Apostle Paul calls to the minds of the Ephesian elders the fact that he had taught them not out publicly but also ‘from house to house’ Acts.20:20. We also have the example of the Lord Himself when he visited the home of Mary and Martha – Luke 10:39. Personal contact is the best way to introduce yourself to any person. Many people feel that a pastoral visit is a real privilege when the pastor takes time to show interest in them or their family. It also gives the pastor opportunity to see how their congregation live and the circumstances of their lives. It has been said that ‘one half of the world does not know how the other half live’. People feel relaxed, and at home will more readily open their hearts. Talking one to one gives people the opportunity to share things they would not normally do when in a larger company and gives the pastor the privilege of sharing on more personal subjects related to personal, home and family life. It also brings a sense of the presence of God into a home that may lack the peace of God – Luke 10:5.

How to do Home Visiting

• Be systematic – All pastors should seek to talk personally to his flock at least once a week, or month dependent on the size of his congregation either after the meetings or in their homes – Acts 2:46.
• Look out for those who have been missing from church attendance and make special note.
• Visit the parents of children and young people whose parents do not attend the church.
• If the pastor is truly a man of God he will talk, read and pray over the things of God and leave the house with the presence of the Lord.
• Always pray before starting out.
• Decide whether you should call on the telephone before calling or call with notice.
• As soon as possible move from introductory conversation into the things of God so that the time is most profitable.

Much profit will come in fellowship by being able to sit and talk over the issues of life.

Practical help

The pastor will be called upon as a Father would to assist in all the decisions of life.  He will need to spend time perhaps, looking for cars, decorating, plumbing, gardening etc.

Long term problems

He needs to talk over some of the areas in which it may be necessary to take into one’s home those who need more watchful counsel. It is important to lay down clear house rules of the house.

Personal Work

It is the greatest privilege of all members of the church to be involved in personal conversation between themselves and other members of the congregation. Peter was brought to Jesus by the hand to hand work of his brother Andrew. We do not read that Andrew ever preached a sermon but his brother saw 3000 come to conversion after the outpouring of God on the day of Pentecost.
Mr. Kimball, the Boston businessman, led D.L. Moody, the young shoe clerk to the Lord.

The Advantages of Personal Work

• All can do it. In the normal congregation there are not more than 4 or 5 who can preach but all can speak personally.           
• It can be done anywhere, in factories, stations, and hotels and in the street.
• It can be done anytime.  · It reaches all classes of people.

The conditions of personal work

• A personal experiential knowledge of Jesus Christ – 1Tim.1:15
• A life that is pure and holy – 2Tim.2:21  ·  A surrendered life given to God – Phil.1:21
• A deep realisation that men are lost – Luke 19:10  ·  A deep love – Luke 7:47
• Perseverance – Gal.6:9  ·  Practical knowledge of the Bible – 2Tim.3:16,17, Acts 2:37, 1Peter 1:23, Rom.10:17   ·  Prayer

Where to do Personal Work

• After a meeting – watch for someone to deal with after the meeting is finished so that you may follow up someone who has been challenged by the Word.
• In the home – Paul states that he preached the gospel from house to house – Acts 20:20, Luke 8:39
• On the streets – Paul again preached in the market place everyday – Acts 17:17
• In the park – The parks are often full of people who have plenty of time and are willing to talk.
• On a bus – We have the example of Philip who joined himself to the Ethiopian treasurer – Acts 8:29-38
• At our place of work – Mark 2:14. Matthew was called while he was doing his job.
• On boats and planes – You often have great opportunities sitting next to somebody while travelling on long journeys.
• Prisons, hospitals – Here people are gathered from morning to night with nothing much to do.

How to Begin

• The first thing is to find the one to deal with and we should pray God to lead us to someone or one to us.
• Begin a conversation. Ask a question ‘How do you think a man can get real satisfaction out of life?’ You may pass him a tract or ask him what he thinks of it. If on a bus or train show some kindness by offering the person your seat
• A soon as possible find out where the person stands.
• Lead him as directly as you can to accept Jesus Christ as a personal Saviour.

Scriptures to Help Deal with Individuals

• Those who know they are in sin and need a Saviour - Gal.3:13, 2Cor.5:21, John 3:16, Rom.10:9-10
• Those who have little or no concern about their souls – Rom.14:12, Amos 4:12, Rom.1:16, Rom:6:23, John 8:34, Rom.6:16, John 3:18-19, Heb.11:6, John 8:24
• Those who have difficulty  - I am too great a sinner – 1Tim.1:15, Matt.9:12,13, Rom.5:6-8, Luke 19v10
• Murderers – Isa.1:18, Ps.51:14
• My heart is too hard – Luke 19:10, Ezekiel 36:26,27, 2Cor.5:17
• I must become better before I become a Christian – Matt.9:12,13
• I am afraid I will fail – Jude 24, 1 Peter 1:5, 2 Tim.1:12, 1Cor.10:13, 2Cor.12:9,10
• I cannot give up my evil ways – Rom.6:23, Gal.6:7,8, Rev.21:8
• The Christian life is too hard – Matt.11:30, 1Peter 1:8
• There is too much to give up – Mark 8:36, Rom.8:32, 1John 2:15-17, Phil.3:7,8
• I will lose my job – Mark 8:36, Matt. 6:33, Mark 10:29-30
• I will lose my friends – James 4:4, Prov. 13:20, Ps.11-2, 1John 1:3.
• I am afraid of ridicule – Proverbs 29:15, Mark 8:38
• I will be persecuted – 2Tim.3:12, 2Tim.2:12, Rom.8:18, 2Cor.4:17, 1Peter 20:20-21
• I have no feeling – 1Peter 1:8, Isa.55:7, John 1:12, Acts 16:31, Acts 2:38
• I have been seeking but I cannot find Him – Jer.29:13
• Christians are so inconsistent – Rom.14:12, Rom.2:1-5, Matt. 7:1-5
• There is someone I cannot forgive – Matt.6:15, Matt.18:21-35, Eph.4:32
• It is too late – Deut.4:30-31, 2Peter 3:9
• God seems to me unjust and cruel – Rom.9:20, Rom.11:33, Isa.55:8-9, Job 40:2, Heb.12:5-7, Heb.10-12
• I cannot believe – Acts 16:31, John 3:16, John 5:44, Isa.55:7, John 7:17, James 1:5-7, John 20:31

Other Churches

I am sure it is the purpose of the Lord that all Christians should have opportunity to gather together in a wider context than their own local fellowship.  Conferences, larger rallies, both at home and other parts of the country provide the environment for learning and an opportunity to grow in deeper fellowship with others.
There are some things, which are important to remember:

• Not all that confesses to be of God is of God 2 Peter 2 v 1-2.
• Fast growing churches are not necessarily moving under the direction of the Holy Spirit.
• The apostle Paul warns that 'another gospel' can be preached Gal:1 v 6-9.
• Members of one church should be encouraged to commit  themselves to their own local  fellowship and not be drawn away to visit other groups Acts 20 v 28