Study notes

Chapter 10. Counselling in Marriage

Marriage is meant for life. Gen.2:21-23, Matt.19:4-6, Malachi 2:14-16, 1Cor.7:10-11.
It is a union that carries responsibilities of both partners. 1Cor.7:3-5, Eph.5:22-23. It is clear that the Christian is not to be ‘unequally yoked’ to an unbeliever, because righteousness and unrighteousness cannot fellowship. 2Cor.6:14-17
Also, if one partner becomes the Lord’s after marriage they are to remain in that situation.1Cor.7:13-22
There must be open and honest communication. Job 2:9-10 and a realistic time given in early marriage to adjust to each other. Deut.24:5 (cheer up – meaning to comfort and encourage).
Marriage is a picture of the relationship of Christ to His church and therefore important as a witness to the world. 1Kings 11:1-4, Eph.5:25-27, Rev.21:2-4
The following are ten sound guidelines for a good relationship in marriage in the same way as God did when giving the law to His people.

1. You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, with all your strength and your partner likewise.
2. You must not desire any other than your wife or husband. You must not have secrets, all things to be shared equally.
3. You must never speak to each other in a belittling way before others. If there is any criticism, fault or correction to be made, it should be done in private and definitely not with the children listening.
4. You must make time to spend alone together, remembering that God said, ‘Six days shalt thou labour, and on the seventh day rest.’ Six days may be involved in meetings, church activities and recreation but one day is especially for your wife or husband.
5. You must never let your parents rule your life.
6. You must never be angry or speak unkindly or use force against your wife or husband.
7. You must never seek pleasure outside your marriage in unclean literature, films or in self-abuse. You must not break your marriage vow and have a relationship with the opposite sex.
8. You must never be selfish with time or money or practical needs concerning keeping the house.
9. You must never twist the truth or tell lies.
10. You must never covet your neighbour’s house, car or possessions, creating a spirit of dissatisfaction. Always be content with the things you have.

The Husband’s Responsibility

From the passage in Ephesians 5:23-29 we see the maturity needed for a good stable relationship between husband and wife as a basis for a solid family life. 1Tim.3:4-5, although written in the instructions for elders and deacons also points this out. Weakness leads to insecurities and sin to a rebellious family. Prayer is the secret of a spiritual man.Rom.12:1-2, Luke 5:15-17. Selfishness has no place in the home. The husband is to honour his wife that his prayers be not hindered. 1Peter 3:7. Also to respect and be unselfish in the physical union in the marriage. 1Cor.7:3-5. 1Cor.13:4-8 is the true definition of love. A husband must spend time alone with his wife in prayer and for sharing and instruction. He must support, love, honour, respect, encourage and provide for his wife ‘As heirs together of the grace of life.’

The Wife’s Responsibility

‘Wives submit yourselves to your own husbands’ has caused some difficulty for Christian women because of its connection with past treatment of slavery and women’s position being so similar, but for the Christian wife today it is a place of freedom in yielding to her husband as the God given head of the household as Christ is the head of his body – the church. It is a position of care and unity of body. Eph.5:22, 1Cor.11:5, Proverbs 18:22, Proverbs 3:10-31. For the wife with an unbelieving husband 1Peter 3:1-2 shows the way. True beauty for the Christian woman is inward as well as outward and is reflected in manner and dress. 1Peter 3:3-4. In the story of Esther in chapter 2 we read that she ‘obtained favour in the sight of all them that looked on her.’ As a contrast we read the story of Jezebel in 2 Kings 9:30.