Study notes

Chapter 11. Counselling in Family Life

We now move on to consider the fruit of the union between husband and wife. Gen.1:26-27.
Many problems relating to children are caused by the sin of their parents, and families continue to experience tragedies in their lives. Children are mirrors in which we see ourselves. Luke 1:15 as with Zacharias and 2 Sam.12:13-15 as with David, show this.

Parental Responsibilities

Fathers are instructed to have their house in order. 1Tim.3:12 and to provide for their families. 1Tim.5:8 also to encourage and not provoke their children. Col.3:21, Eph.6:1-4 (nurture - feed, support, train and educate: Admonition – correct and instruct in the Lord). Fathers need to demonstrate pure love to their daughters. Failure to do this results in them looking elsewhere for love, becoming rebellious and against authority of men and no concept of the love of their heavenly Father. Likewise with sons, lack of pure and true affection is being perceived to be a contribution to a child developing homosexual tendencies.

Mothers need likewise to show true physical love not to smother or to hold for herself but to demonstrate pure affection. Also to provide a loving home situation. Tit.2:4.

Bringing up Children

In Ephesians 6:1-3 we read of the commandment to obey parents and honour them, in the Lord. Also Jesus submitted himself to Mary and Joseph. Luke 2:51-52. Children have to be taught these things, by example and often discipline. Example in love and care and Christian living. Discipline is recorded for us in such verses as Proverbs 22:6 – training a child, Hebrews 12:5-11 – chastening a child in love as the Father does to his sons and also Proverbs 19:18. Physical discipline is recorded in Proverbs 13:24, 23:13, 29:15 and others. Gal.3:22-24 shows us that discipline (the law) is a schoolmaster to bring us to Christ, as also the law applied to our children leads them on a path where they can accept Christ for themselves. In Proverbs 6:20 we read that the law is life giving.

Physical discipline has been abused in the world but is our instruction done in love and to be used sparingly as other discipline can be brought to bear. Physical discipline should only be used in young children, as they grow to an age of understanding it turns to humiliation.

Children need to be instructed in prayer and in the Biblical truths and learn to worship as a family together in the church. Also as they get older, to understand their responsibility to the family life in thoughtfulness and unselfishness towards other members, helping with chores round the house.

It is essential to spend time with each child and listen to his or her needs. Many children turn to help elsewhere because of feeling misunderstood by parents. Parents need to ask for wisdom in dealing with teenage needs. If a relationship is not made by teenage years it becomes almost impossible afterwards.

Caring for the Extended Family

1 Tim.5:8 instructs on responsibility towards family, also the church’s responsibility towards widows.